Losing Lucy

When every white pile of sheets or bags or toys or blanket bundle isn’t Lucy. When the brush of air isn’t Lucy. And the sound of clicking toe nails is something besides Lucy coming around the corner. Our hearts are alone for a minute because she is gone. 

When there isn’t a welcome home howl every time we come home. When the bustling house bursting with everything feels empty. Lucy is gone.

She came to us gently and left us gently. She was safety and fun and warmth and grace and forgiveness and love and loyalty.

She welcomed all four children home. She let them all love her as we did. She loved the places we loved and patiently bore with us when we dragged her to strange destinations…like a wedding. I don’t think we knew what else to do. She always came, so she came to weddings and funerals. Restaurants. Schools. She came on vacations. She went with us cross country to Colorado. She climbed mountains, swam in the ocean. She moved with us four times.

She protected us from vicious raccoons and armadillos and snakes and lizards and frogs…and cats. And who knows what else? We don't know, but she was vigilant and aware and I know she protected us.

We knew we were losing her. They said it was cancer and we didn’t have long. Lucy gave us longer than we expected. She held onto life hard and bravely and showed us she was here and close and wouldn’t leave until she had to. She finally did leave us and our hearts broke hard. 
We had to let go and we had to lose and we had to bury and we had to put away. We had to say it was over. 

We let ourselves weep and wash in tears. We heaved emptiness all over. She was our girl. Lucy girl or Lucy Goose. "Goose" for short. She was Lucy because that was my first and only child name I'd stored away from my dearest sweet Lucy friend in England. She was the first live thing we cared for so she was Lucy immediately. 

She was a beautiful creature. She was beautiful because she was aware and wise and white and calm. There are animal whisperers that help animals work better with humans. Lucy was a whispering animal. She helped us be better humans. 


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