No lid on Wednesday and Rescued by Aslan

The popcorn was popping something fierce. We were outside and the sound was to vivid. I popped my head in to check and popcorn was flying everywhere. There was popcorn in and on and around and over everything. No lid.

No lid on Wednesday. No lid on it at all. Woke up sure that it would be a good day and first words with humans led to tears and fears of failure. What exactly am I trying to do at this house? Where is order? Where is rhythm. Where is my brain?

George set me out to find joy. I ran and ran and wished to be somewhere else in the world. Just that morning we'd read a book to the children about salt. Did they know they could taste their tears and they would be salty?

I knew. Tears spilled down cheeks -- salty taste in mouth. Releasing some serious pain.

Pain of feeling wrong and terribly afraid of failing my children and my household. I came home and told George I couldn't pull it together and he said is sounded a little like pitiful. He was sooo right. How pitiful.

My children were jumping on the trampoline singing. William was helping daddy work on his motorcycle happy as could be. The air, sweet. I brought the computer to the trampoline and we had a little lesson in different types of seed plants - dicot, monocot, conifer. Off to find them in the yard. We were hunting treasure and found it. Back to the porch to make a little chart.

Then. Pop Pop Pop. Popcorn on the floor. We laugh and eat lots of popcorn (a new batch). It is William's favorite snack. Sweet smiling boy in high chair means we can work with our numbers for awhile and write a bit.

At William's next nap time, we snuggle on the couch and with map of the world resting on knee, I tell stories of the missionaries Mom had over for meals or who invited us into their homes. I told about the lady that brought us seaweed to eat back from Japan. Then there was Jeb -- my best boy playmate who lived in the Solomon Islands. And Beth. The lady with twins that laughed with us and talked to us. She told me stories about sneaking Bibles into communist block countries. They were mesmerized. They didn't want the stories to stop.

Then Thursday arrived fast. Amelia finds a beautiful beetle, a snake, and Amelia watches a duck swallow a fish whole! She couldn't ask for anything more. She asks me if Howard Carter was a grave robber (the one who found King Tut's tomb). She asks lots of good questions and George Wilder draws great sketches.






We reach Friday. Play Indian with friends and a new game with William. He crawls up on the quilt for a ride around the floor!

Life is rich. No lid on Wednesday was good. It doesn't mean my attitude has stayed good. I definitely fight off fear of failure and fear of not doing enough and fear of not being full of ideas. But if I don't fight it, then I won't learn anything and I live frozen like a statue in The Chronicles of Narnia. So tonight, I finished canning the pears for the first time. Three gallons total. I've been rescued by Aslan tonight.




Comments

  1. Miss you....I stumbled across this this week and wanted to encourage you.
    http://www.theblazingcenter.com/2012/10/dear-moms-jesus-wants-you-to-chill-out.html

    Hope to catch up in person some day soon!

    ReplyDelete

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