A quiet heart
"Every assignment is measured and controlled for my eternal good. As I accept the given portion other options are canceled. Decisions become much easier, directions clearer, and hence my heart becomes inexpressibly quieter." - Elizabeth Elliot.
I woke with a very loud heart. A crying out heart. A not at peace heart. Frankly, a sort of anger at the world heart. A fearful heart. A mean heart. I didn't wan't to be mad and gloomy. I just felt that way and couldn't break it.
Running, the usual outlet for all of this yuck is out of the question. I can hardly walk two miles without needing a thirty minute nap. This is most frustrating especially as my body softens and swells. So, after an exhausting 1.5 mile walk, I came home and walked around a little like Eeyore with a missing tail.
George gladly sent me out on a few errands. Without any clear direction, I headed for Trader Joe's. A safe start - some groceries. As I checked out, one of the Trader Joe ladies walked straight over to me and handed me the most magnificent bouquet of sunflowers.
The storm began to calm.
Back in the car, a friend called and asked if I could watch her little one for a few hours. Yes. My mind off the pain. The loudness softens.
At Starbucks, I crack open Keep a Quiet Heart by Elizabeth Elliot and begin reading. Oh - what a wealth of words, so much of it those buried in the scriptures I've read over and over. The loud is gone and I'm thinking clearly.
I find some fun fabric and an origami set at Goodwill, collect some school supplies from Target and head home with a stilled soul.