I'm Ready For That Epidural



I’m one of those moms that practiced a natural birthing method with all of my kids. I’ll proudly tell you about all four labors if you ask. It was pretty easy, in a weird sort of way. I studied up on what to expect and George did a great job as a labor coach and partner and baby catcher. There were no major complications and I felt great. After all four births, I had this euphoric experience as a brand new life joined us, and without an issue, each one suckled like a champ.

If I close my eyes, I can go back to those hours in the hospital, and I can play it back minute by minute. With the exception of a long long wait on William, I loved my labors and I’m proud of the kids and of George and I.

A few days ago, as I walked to the mailbox on an extremely hot, humid afternoon with two overly fussy children, I thought I would not hesitate to ask for a ride to anywhere from the next person that drove by.

We were dealing with an “I’m telling Mom!” faze at our house. And, over half of the house is under construction, including the kitchen. I don’t think there is anything else to say about either of those. 

I didn’t want to push through another conversation about who said what to who or who took what from who or who thought who did what to who. I didn’t want to sweep up more stuff and wipe down anything else or decide on any configuration.

The labor or life. I realize I’m not into it right now. I don’t want to feel the pain. I don’t want long  intense contractions that move projects along or life along. I don’t want to patiently breathe through intense things. I want an epidural now. I want everyone to hear me say how awful it is and feel sorry for me. I want to be numb to all of this stuff bearing down on me and forcing me to have to work through some discomfort. I want the kids to have this euphoric playtime. I don’t see their need to work through issues as a chance to trouble shoot and practice life, I see it as a serious cramp in my schedule.

I don’t want them to complain or shrug when I ask them to do something. I don’t want to have to wait on them to come or go or move or to pick up.

So, I’ve stopped today to take a few breaths between intense things. Because right now it is all intense and it’s time to labor through it. Because this labor of life brings about amazing beauty and life.

Laboring. It isn’t over. I’m still in it. We are still in it. George is an amazing coach and encourager and the kids are champs! 

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